


You See Me For Who I Am

by emperorpenguin (dortmundbvbbabe)



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Leon is not, M/M, Matthew is Still a Hockey Player, Misunderstandings, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:53:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29121504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dortmundbvbbabe/pseuds/emperorpenguin
Summary: Matthew's trying to redeem himself and after reading newspaper articles and blog posts questioning his character he can't help but take it to heart. One day, though, he meets Leon in a coffee shop and maybe he can see the best of Matthew despite what everyone says.
Relationships: Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk
Comments: 17
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> also there's no COVID in this universe ;)

**Matthew Tkachuk: The Dirtiest Player in the League?**

By OilersFan

Only a few games into the new season and Matthew Tkachuk has already reminded the hockey world about his reputation as the most hated player in the league. Tkachuk, 23, often finds himself in the middle of controversy with his high-impact style of play. While some have stated that Tkachuk’s style of play is indicative of old-school hockey, that of his father’s era with the St. Louis Blues, others have claimed that his playing is dirty, borderline criminal. 

We’ve heard Tkachuk state that the “ends justify the means” but how far that he takes it is unclear. However, when it comes to major injuries in recent history, Tkachuk’s name is often floated about. The latest Calgary Flames match up against the Vancouver Canucks provided more fodder for Tkachuk’s detractors after former-USA teammate Brock Boeser left the game early after Tkachuk tripped him. Tkachuk, of course, denied any wrongdoing, but after a litany of injuries against Mark Schiefele, Jack Campbell, and now Boeser, one has to wonder…

Matthew frowned at the article that Brady had sent him with vaguely threatening emojis. He was sure that there were already plenty of think-pieces already on the internet about the play and the intent behind it. A few even speculated that there was a personal grudge between Brock and Matthew over their places on the US National Team, a game that had occurred a few years before that Matthew didn’t even recall, and the most outlandish one, that they were fighting over a girl. Matthew almost laughed at how far off that one was. 

_ It’s fine _ . Matthew texted back. 

_ Fuck them, they should grab a pair of skates and come on the ice then _ . Brady replied and Matthew almost smiled at his brother’s loyalty, but he knew that his parents were reading the same things, and it saddened him that his mother was reading that someone thought he was “borderline criminal”. 

He’d called Brock after the game, but the conversation had been terse. Matthew wanted to believe that it was because Brock had been in a lot of pain, but Matthew was nearly certain that Brock was angry with him. Elias certainly was, after he’d helped Brock off of the ice, glaring at Matthew and humiliating the Flames’ defense with two unanswered goals and after the loss, coupled with the sinking feeling of watching Brock limp off of the ice, Matthew had headed home with a sour feeling. 

His mood had worsened in the morning after he saw that he’d been trending on Twitter for hours after the game and his play had once again come under scrutiny. 

So he’d headed to one of the nearby coffee shops to grab a drink before he’d have to start thinking about practice and the upcoming road trip. 

He ordered an americano and one of their scones and took a seat at one of the tables closest to the window. He fiddled with his phone as the coffee shop started to awaken. Students were starting to wake up and enter the cafe to stake out their study spots. 

“Do you mind if I sit here?” a guy asked. Matthew looked up from his phone and glanced up at the guy, “Sorry, I usually wouldn’t ask, but it’s pretty crowded because of finals.”

There were a few seats left, but they were quickly filling up and this guy seemed to be a few years older than most of the college crowd anyways, and Matthew hated to admit it, but he was cute and Matthew’s type. 

“Sure,” Matthew said and gestured to the seat across from him. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as the man reached into his bag and pulled out a book and a notepad and started to read.

Matthew must not have been as sneaky as he thought because the guy looked down at his book and frowned. He tilted the cover so that Matthew could see better.  _ Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell _ . 

“It’s a good book,” the man said. 

“Do you usually talk to strangers?” Matthew asked.

“Well, I talked to you,” the man said. Matthew snorted, “But no, I’m German so we don’t really talk to strangers.”

“So why are you reading it?” Matthew asked.

“I guess because I’m envious of people who can do that, you know those people who have ‘never met a stranger, just a friend that they haven’t spoken to yet,’” the guy said.

“Sounds like a great way to meet a serial killer,” Matthew said.

“Or that, sure, I guess,” the man chuckled but folded up his book and put it away, “I’m Leon, by the way.”

“You know for someone who doesn’t really talk to strangers, you’re talking to me a lot,” Matthew said. 

“Well, usually this would be the time when you introduce yourself as well,” Leon said.

“I’m Matthew,” Matthew said, finding it refreshing to be able to introduce himself instead of existing within the confines of people’s preconceived notions about what he was like off the ice based off of his play on it.

“I’m not usually awake this early in the morning, but I had to work late yesterday and didn’t really get a chance to relax so…” Leon gestured to his book. 

“Reading is your idea of relaxing? I don’t think I’ve read a book since high school,” Matthew said.

Leon shrugged, “It was how I started to learn English, that and watching American television and I guess I never stopped and it’s nice to have an escape from everything and work sometimes.”

“I could probably use one of those myself,” Matthew said, “an escape at least.”

“Yeah?” Leon asked.

“Rough night last night,” Matthew said, “I didn’t sleep well anyways, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

“Want to talk about it?” Leon asked.

“Nah, it was just usual bullshit,” Matthew said and shrugged, “Which I should be used to, but…”

“That gets old sometimes,” Leon said. 

“Yeah, it really does,” Matthew sighed.

“Sometimes I think it’s easier when you have things outside of your career, or whatever it is that you’re passionate about,” Leon said.

“Hence the reading?” Matthew asked.

“Yeah,” Leon said, “But I have friends who volunteer at the animal shelter or have a side-hustle on Etsy and they build a whole other community around that.”

“Huh,” Matthew said, mulling that over. He wasn’t even sure what that would look like for him. 

“Well, I better go,” Leon said after glancing at his phone to check the time.

“Here,” Leon tore off a sheet of paper from his notepad and scribbled down a number on it. He titled it  **Leon from the Coffee Shop** before shoving it across the table. 

Matthew scrutinized the number, “Why are you giving me your number?”

“Honestly?” Leon asked, “You look like you could use a friend, and maybe a non-work friend.”

“Thanks, but I’m probably not going to use this,” Matthew said as he palmed the sheet of paper. 

“It’s up to you,” Leon shrugged, “You can do whatever you want with it, put it in your phone, throw it away, whatever. I’m just giving you options.”

“Thanks,” Matthew said, “But my work friends are actually pretty cool.”

“Well, maybe, then, it was just a big experiment to talk to strangers,” Leon said and headed out. 

Even after Leon left the coffee shop, Matthew stared at the phone number and before he picked up his own things and headed into practice, he typed Leon’s number into his phone under the contact  **Leon from the Coffee Shop** . He wasn’t sure if he was ever going to actually use it or not, but he knew that if he didn’t enter it into his address book now, he’d probably lose the paper that had it on it.

Matthew had a chilly reception when he arrived at practice. It wasn’t like Markstrom was out and out mean to him, but he was friends with Elias and Brock and the former Vancouver players still had loyalties to Brock, probably more than they had towards Matthew himself. 

“Give them some time,” Johnny said as he tapped Matthew on his shins with his stick. It was easy for the core to circle around Matthew because they had played together for years. After years of being dragged into scrums that Matthew had had a hand in, Mikael, Monny, and Gio all understood Matthew’s style of play. The newer guys didn’t, at least not yet and Matthew knew that some people had a problem with it. 

He couldn’t ignore the way that Tanev checked him into the boards or the way that Leivo couldn’t even look him in the eye during practice. 

“Is he okay?” Matthew asked Markstrom after practice, “I called him after the game, but…”

“He’s fine,” Jacob said tersely. 

“I didn’t mean for him to get hurt,” Matthew said, finding a need for Markstrom to understand.

“Maybe you didn’t mean for him to get hurt, but he did,” Markstrom shrugged and Matthew didn’t really know how to respond to that. He shouldn’t have to justify himself to his teammates, they all played the same sport, they all knew that injuries were part of the sport, and heck, they’d all had injuries themselves. But Markstrom was a good guy and seeing his disapproval stung. It was like facing a disappointed parent and both Markstrom and Tanev had just seemed sad at the series of events that had unfolded in the past day. And as he left the rink, his heart sank and he felt alone and unsupported by his team. Maybe they too had read the articles online and maybe they believed them as well.

He pulled out his phone and flipped through the contacts until he reached  **Leon from the Coffee Shop** . Maybe it was against his better judgement. He didn’t really know about this guy beyond a conversation about books he hadn’t read, but maybe he did need more friends outside of hockey and maybe Leon could be one of them.

_ Hey. It’s Matthew. From the coffee shop _ . 

And by the time he got home, there was a new message on his phone. 

_ Hi Matthew from the Coffee Shop! _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments and kudos on the first chapter! Hope you like the new addition.

**Does Matthew Tkachuk Actually Feel Remorse?**

By Steve Dangle

Matthew Tkachuk has solidified his reputation as hockey’s bad boy on the ice. I’ve written several times about the quagmires that Tkachuk has often found himself in, mired by controversy that seems to haunt his family, but last week’s hit on Brock Boeser may have changed Tkachuk’s play. After the Canucks announced that Boeser was expected to miss 6-8 weeks with a lower body injury, Tkachuk has been conspicuously missing from pre-game interviews and media availability. When asked about his feelings regarding the hit on Boeser, Markstrom said, “You never want to see anyone get hurt, especially a guy like Brock, but injuries happen, and it’s an unfortunate part of the game.” His comments don’t blame Tkachuk, but they certainly don’t support him either. It is a departure from the comments Ward has made defending Tkachuk in the past. As for Tkachuk himself, he hasn’t said much about it, but maybe he doesn’t need to. In the past three games since Boeser’s injury, Tkachuk has played a notably cleaner game. He’s recorded two penalty minutes on a delay of game, but otherwise he has stayed out of the penalty box. Based on Tkachuk’s history, it’s unexpected that he’ll publicly apologize to Boeser or show regret for his actions, but the way he’s been playing shows that maybe Boeser’s injury has impacted him more than he’d like to believe.

Matthew sighed. He’d found himself on HockeyForum again and someone had linked one of Steve Dangle’s articles again. Matthew didn’t have anything against Steve in particular, but he knew that at his core, Steve was a Leafs fan and after the Jack Campbell incident, Matthew knew that he’d drawn the ire of the Leafs fan base.At first he’d thought that the first article had been a one-off hot take, but there was a second one posted. It was a trending article on the site already, and there were two articles about him that had made the Top 10 most read. Matthew shouldn’t have been surprised. He knew that he was the guy that people loved to hate and that any article that was about him would spark controversy. In their line of work, controversy and personality garnered hits and an article even hinting at dissension within the Flames would surely attract attention. For being an article written by who Matthew could only assume was an Oilers’ fan based on the name, it was pretty fair, even though the accuracy of the blogger’s words smarted. 

The article’s comments section was a shitshow though. 

**FuckTkachuk92:** Tkachuk fucking sucks

**McJesus_12:** Everyone in the league hates him. Kick him out

**OilyBoy:** One day he’s going to ruin someone’s career.

Matthew shut his phone and gritted his teeth. He didn’t know why he read this sort of crap. He knew that the people on these websites didn’t know what they were talking about half of the time. Some had never even laced up skates let alone played at a competitive level, but still they found it so easy to criticize and critique his play. His father had told him and Brady from an early age to ignore the media and maybe that had been easier for his father who had played in the time before social media really took off. And it was easier to ignore when you didn’t have to filter through your DMs, ignoring the insults and slurs in order to get the messages from his friends and teammates. 

He wondered how many of them saw and read these articles. And how much of it they believed. He flipped through his contacts and found Brady’s number, ignoring the message that he’d received last night but hadn’t responded to and typed out a quick text. 

_ I didn’t mean to hurt Boeser. You know that, right? _

_ I know.  _ Brady texted back and it was easy because Brady got all the accolades and praises for the old school style of hockey that they played and their father had played. Brady was known as “scrappy”, Matthew was called “dirty”. And maybe Brady could sympathize, but he didn’t understand, at least not fully because Brady was the type of guy that people didn’t want to play against but wanted to grab a beer with later. Matthew was just the type of guy that people hated and that was something that Brady didn’t understand. Because people could criticize his play all they wanted and that was one thing, but they rarely attacked Brady as a person and when Matthew read the articles and tweets about him, it always felt personal and it always felt like a subject that he couldn’t talk to Brady about. Even though they were in the NHL together, they had vastly different experiences. But reading that article had made him feel like shit, and he didn’t want to think about hockey or Brock Boeser or the possibility of ending someone’s career. 

Matthew had had Leon’s number pulled up on his phone for a while before he actually pressed the dial button. He was uncertain about calling him, but he was one of the few contacts in his phone that didn’t revolve around hockey and he was the only one who didn’t know that Matthew was a hockey player. They were just two people who had met in a coffee shop one time and had gotten to talking. 

“Hey,” Matthew said, when Leon picked up the phone. 

“Hi,” Leon replied. It was the sort of stifled conversation between people who were still trying to figure out where boundaries are. 

Matthew and Leon had texted a few times, but they’d never talked since that meeting in the coffee shop. 

“What's up?" Leon asked. 

“I just wanted to talk to someone outside of work,” Matthew said.

“And you called me,” Leon said. 

“Sorry, this was a mistake-” Matthew said, getting ready to hang up.

“No, no,” Leon said, “I don’t mind it, in fact, I’m glad you called, I just didn’t think you would, you seemed hesitant at the coffee shop.”

“I just- I think you were right, I could use more non-work friends,” Matthew said. 

“Rough day?” Leon asked. 

“Yeah,” Matthew said, “But I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Okay,” Leon said, “So I finished up that book I was reading, and it was pretty good.”

“Do you now feel comfortable talking to strangers?” Matthew asked. 

Leon laughed, “God no, but I appreciate the people who can, you know?”

“It’s always awkward for me too,” Matthew said, “I travel a lot for work and I’m always meeting new people but it’s never easy.”

“It just seems so superficial as well,” Leon said, “Right, like you have the same conversations time and time again and nobody’s honest. Like you ask how people are doing, but people don’t actually want to hear the truth that people are struggling and so you just have the same conversation again and again and have the illusion of being close to someone.”

“Fuck, that’s depressing,” Matthew said. 

Leon laughed, “I guess when you say it out loud it is. But I think on the other hand it’s about investing time and energy into relationships that are really important to you instead of small talk to a lot of people who you rarely see. I’d rather be deliberate with my time and energy than just be friendly to everyone.”

“Was it a good read though?” Matthew asked.

“Yeah, but if you’re interested in his stuff, he also has a podcast that is really good,” Leon said, “It’s called Revisionist History, he has episodes of all different types of things and they’re only about 30-40 minutes.”

“I might have to check it out,” Matthew said.

“I usually listen to podcasts on my way to work,” Leon said. 

“Huh, thanks for the suggestion,” Matthew said, “I’m usually just listening to music on the radio, but I might try that this week.”

“Anything you think I should listen to?” Leon asked.

Matthew bit his lip in hesitation. It was true that he mostly listened to whatever was on the radio, but he knew that Leon was trying to reciprocate things here. “I like Orville Peck’s album, it’s folksy and country and just pretty good. Plus he’s one of the few Canadian country singers so…”

“Cool, I’ll check it out and let you know what I think,” Leon said.

“Sounds good,” Matthew said. And when he hung up the phone, he felt lighter than he had in a while. 


	3. Chapter 3

_ I’m not a big country fan, but I did like Orville Peck’s album, but a lot of the songs started to sound the same after a while. _

_ That’s fair, I really love the song Dead of the Night _ , Matthew texted almost immediately.

_ That was my favorite, too. I listened to an episode of Revisionist History.  _

_ And??? _

_ I really liked it. I sent the first episode to my sister to listen to. _ Matthew didn’t mention that he’d searched through the episodes to find the one that was about hockey. Well, it wasn’t really about hockey, but it involved hockey and it was about things that Matthew knew so it made it easy to listen to.  _ Still think that I’m more of a music guy _ . 

_ Any new albums that you think I should listen to? _

_ I’m a Lady Gaga fan, so any of her albums, but I liked Joanne. _ This recommendation came easier for Matthew. 

_ Lady Gaga? Really? _

_ She’s great!  _ Matthew replied, feeling a need to defend his penchant for listening to Lady Gaga before games. His teammates would tease him for playing The Shallows as they got dressed, saying that it was more depressing than it was hype music. Matthew got that, but it was still a great song.

_ She is, I just didn’t think you’d like her _ .

_ I do! _

Matthew continued to text Leon as they boarded the plane for their roadtrip. They were heading for a few games out west, set to play against the Kings and then the Ducks before returning to Calgary for a two-week home stretch. Monny settled down next to him and stretched his legs out. 

“You’re in a good mood,” Sean noted as he pulled out his earbuds and tried to untangle them. 

“I have a good feeling about these next couple of games,” Matthew said. 

“Really?”

“The Kings have been in a downward skid for the past three games and the Ducks aren’t having a great season either,” Matthew explained. He’d taken a look at the statistics from the past few games last night and felt pretty good about their odds. They had had a day off before they had to travel and they’d regrouped in practice to fix some of their mistakes. 

Matthew tucked his phone away and flipped through the movies available to watch on the flight. He found an old Will Ferrell film that he’d seen once or twice already, but it never failed to make him laugh and he started playing it, settling in for the rest of the flight. 

Matthew had nearly forgotten that playing the Kings meant playing against Drew Doughty, but when he caught Doughty’s glare from across the ice during warmups, the good feeling that Matthew had had subsided. He knew that Drew had a long memory and that the elbow to the face would haunt him so long as Doughty still played. 

Throughout the game, Doughty seemed to be on him, following him up and down the ice and taking every chance that he could to check him with a ferocity that Matthew knew would leave bruises. 

“Benny’s over here asking for a trade because being on a team with you is too fucking miserable,” Doughty said as he pinned Matthew against the walls of the rink. The puck was between Matthew’s feet, but the sudden chirp caught him off guard, giving Doughty enough time to dig the puck out and pass it to one of his teammates. Matthew wanted to deny it, but it was too specific of a chirp to not seem real. 

They ended up winning the game, but Doughty’s words echoed in Matthew’s head. He headed to the locker room, ignoring the cheers that erupted between his teammates and bounded after Sam.

“Is it true?” Matthew asked. 

“What?” Sam asked as he pulled his jersey over his head. His under armour was clinging to his skin soaked with sweat and for the first time in a while, Matthew noticed that Sam looked tired. He looked pale and like he hadn’t slept in a while and Matthew wondered how he could have missed it.

“That you asked for a trade,” Matthew said.

“Where did you hear that from?” Sam asked. Matthew wanted to shake him. He wanted him to outright deny it, 

“Doughty,” Matthew said. 

Sam scoffed and peel away his under armour, “Doughty certainly talks a lot doesn’t he.”

“You didn’t say it wasn’t true,” Matthew said. 

“Would it make you feel better if I did?” Sam asked. 

“Yes! You’re one of my best friends on the team,” Matthew said.

“Am I?” Sam asked, “Because it really doesn’t feel like that sometimes.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Matthew asked.

“Forget it,” Sam said. 

“No, tell me,” Matthew said.

“It doesn’t even really matter because hopefully I’ll be out of here soon,” Sam said and headed for the showers leaving Matthew clueless. 

Sam clearly didn’t want to talk afterwards and when they headed back to the hotel, Matthew caught Gio looking over at him and gave him a subtle, almost imperceptible shake of the head, warning Matthew not to press it. Even Gio had known and nobody had thought to tell him, or maybe that was the point, nobody had wanted him to know.

Matthew collapsed back on the bed and grabbed the phone. This time he didn’t have any hesitation about calling Leon.

“Rough day?” Leon asked.

“Why do you think that?” 

“You only call me when you want someone to talk to otherwise you text,” Leon noted and he wasn’t wrong, but it certainly made Matthew feel like shit, like he was just using Leon because he was convenient and not because he actually cared about him. Maybe that’s what Sam felt. Maybe that’s why he had requested a trade, maybe Doughty had been right.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Matthew said.

“Don’t be,” Leon said, “Do you want to talk or do you want me to talk?”

“You can talk,” Matthew said and Leon did. He talked about everything and nothing at the same time and droned on about petty workplace drama. Matthew laughed at how easy it was and how animatedly Leon recounted the stories. That’s what it was with Leon. It was just easy. It was easy without hockey. It was easy without Leon knowing who he was and all of the preconceived judgments that people made about him. 

“I got into a fight with a friend,” Matthew admitted after Leon had finished recounting his day, “I guess he’s been hurting for a while and I didn’t notice or didn’t want to notice or didn’t care.”

Leon murmured sympathetically, “That sucks.”

“Yeah, it does, and I don’t know how to fix it or even if it can be fixed,” Matthew said.

“I’m sorry,” Leon said, “I don’t know what happened exactly, but I’m really sorry that that happened.”

“Thanks,” Matthew said.

“Uh, sorry, this is a little off topic, but do you want to hang out sometime?” Leon asked. 

Matthew paused for a moment as the invitation hung in the air, “I-” 

“You can say no,” Leon said, “I just thought it might be nice, to meet up instead of just talking through texts or the occasional phone call, which I really enjoy, 

“I’d really like that,” Matthew said, “I’m just going to be out of town for a few days, so I can’t do it for a little while.”

“That’s okay,” Leon said, “I just would like to, you know, maybe hang out.”

“Would Monday night work?” Matthew asked, “I’ll be back by then.”

“Yeah,” Leon replied, “My roommate works second-shift so you’re welcome to come over for a while.”

“That sounds fun,” Matthew said, “I’ll bring some beer then.”

Matthew thought about calling Brady afterwards and asking him what to do about Sam, but there was something about involving other players in team drama that seemed to overstep boundaries, even if it was his own brother. Instead he rattled off a few texts to his family and headed to bed, mulling over the Sam situation and finding himself looking forward to meeting up with Leon on Monday.

The next morning, at a reasonable time back in Calgary, Matthew dialed Leon again. 

“Is everything okay?” Leon asked and Matthew could hear the frown in his voice.

“Yeah,” Matthew said, “Everything is good, I just wanted to call you when it wasn’t a rough day.”

Leon laughed, “The day’s just started, but I’m glad. Have a nice day Matthew!”

“You too, Leon.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter than I had wanted, but things have been kind of rough lately. I did want to update though so I hope you like it.

**Transcript of SportsNet’s Interview with Calgary Flames’ Matthew Tkachuk**

Interviewer: I’m here with Matthew Tkachuk, assistant captain for the Calgary Flames and frequently in the middle of controversy. How did you feel the first period went Matthew?

Tkachuk: I thought we had a couple of really good opportunities and we picked up some momentum at the end that we’re hoping to carry into the second.

Interviewer: You had a bit of a scuffle in front of the net with Hampus Lindholm there. A few of the Ducks took exception to you being near their goalie.

Tkachuk: Honestly, if I’m getting under people’s skin I’m probably doing my job well.

Interviewer: It doesn’t faze you?

Tkachuk: I sleep fine at night.

Interviewer: One more thing before you leave, there are rumors that one of your teammates, Sam Bennett, has requested a trade and that you are one of the reasons he’s requested a trade. Any thoughts on that?

Tkachuk: No comment. 

[End of Interview]

After the game against the Ducks, Matthew headed over to Sam’s hotel room and knocked on the door. They’d eeked out a win and a few of the guys were planning on heading to a bar that a one of Gio’s friends on the Ducks had recommended. 

Matthew knocked on his door, unsure if Sam would open it or let alone talk to him, but after a few knocks, Sam opened the door.

“Hey,” Matthew said.

“Hi,” Sam replied, waiting for Matthew to get to the point.

“A couple of us are planning on grabbing some drinks tonight if you wanted to come,” Matthew said.

“I’m good, thanks,” Sam said tersely leaving no room for discussion. 

“Okay,” Matthew said and turned away before throwing one last jab, “You know they’re still your team, though, so whatever the fuck I did or didn’t do, fine be pissed at me, but don’t take it out on them that you want to leave so badly.”

“Fuck you,” Sam said and slammed the door on Matthew. He meant it when he told Leon that he didn’t know how to fix things between him and Sam, but he was certain that that wasn’t the way. 

“Sam’s not coming?” Mikael asked as Matthew headed down to the lobby to meet up with the rest of the group.

“Nope,” Matthew said, clenching his jaw tightly. Mikael looked like he wanted to press on, but they started to head out instead. Matthew was glad that nobody pressed him to explain what had happened between him and Sam. He wouldn’t even know how to explain what had deteriorated between them. Before he knew it, Sam had pulled away and was asking for a trade. 

Matthew had made his way through three beers before the allure of being in the bar dulled. Sam’s absence was becoming even more apparent and even though Sam had missed out on some of the team building gatherings before, now that Matthew knew that there was something wrong with Sam, his vacancy was even starker. 

“Are you heading out?” Mark asked after Matthew paid his tab and gathered his things.

“I’m not feeling it,” Matthew said, “But I’ll see you guys later.”

He was going to head back to his hotel room and maybe see if Leon was still awake. But he remembered what Leon said, he kept calling him when things were bad, and that wasn’t fair. That wasn’t how he wanted his friendship with Leon to go either. 

So instead of going back to his room, he detoured towards Sam’s room again. 

He knocked on the door and waited for Sam to open it for the second time. There was a moment after Sam opened the door where surprise was written on his face. He hadn’t expected to see Matthew again and probably assumed that he’d still be out with the other guys.

“What?” Sam asked. 

“I wasn’t really in the mood,” Matthew said.

“So I’m the back up?” Sam asked and Matthew heard the bitterness in his voice. 

Matthew immediately felt defensive but pushed that aside, “I left because I’d rather spend time with you.”

Sam didn’t say anything but pushed the door open to usher Matthew in.

“Do you want to watch the Canucks game? The third period just started?”

“Sure.” Matthew settled in the armchair while Sam sprawled out on the bed. They didn’t talk about the important things or really anything, but as Matthew watched the game, he realized how much he’d missed this and his friendship with Sam. And the worst part was, he hadn’t even realized he’d been missing it. 


End file.
